15 January 2008

Is it so wrong to hate the things that brought joy in the past, because the mere thought of them, only brings on such a deep sinking feeling of despair, that you fear at times , that you can not go on ? Wishing just to erase all memory, all feeling from your being, and just go through life as a numb shell? Life I say...I should have said existance. For life has a way of being little more than a fleeting thought, drowning in a sea of torment. A flash that quickly spirals out of control, and comes crashing to the floor, shattering like an ole windowpane in a worn-out condemed building, doomed for the wrecking ball. Time , ticking off the final moments of mortality, slowly winding down, dying out, then becoming silent. Like the screams in ones mind.... skull splitting, yet unable to be given true voice.

14 January 2008

Almost forgot I had this page, not surprizing though , I seem to forget much these days. Forget how to be a human being even more often than that. Seems I wont have to be worrying about any of that for too much longer though, life has a way of catching up to a person, and taking a bite of of them for the things they have done. Ive had more than my share of second chances, but seems now, that my chances have run out this time. How do you clean up such a mess in 6 months to a year ? I fear it is impossible. Much will be left hanging, as it was so often in life also. Strange feeling it is though, very strange indeed. I would like to think that I had accomplished something good, hell , id even settle for fair, in this lifetime...but it seems what little I have, I always ended up destroying in the end. I guess they were right, all of them, my head is fuckedd

27 April, 2007

Ah, here I am again. It has been awhile, yes, This i know. Things seem to be on a downward spiral once again, and I fight to keep it all somewhat level. Fight to keep the insanity from overwhelming my mind, and dragging me down with it. Fighting the headaches, and the never ending feeling of emptiness.

11 Feb 2007

Not a whole lot to say today, it has been awhile since i have posted on this thing... bet ya missed me huh? ya right ! Nothing really seems to change much, nothing life altering or worth writing about...Same ole shit, same ole body, same ole mind. Tired, not physically , but ...just tired. Worn out maybe, hell if I know. Tired of the headaches, tired of the cold...yea, just tired.

25 January 2007

24 January 2007

Not much going on today, just feel so tired. So tired of everything, tired of breathing, tired of feeling sick, and tired of the inevitable crash that all ways comes. Tired of being in debt , tired of worrying about dying, but also tired of living. Tired of seeing those around me slowly die off, leaving me here to live in this rotten cesspool. Tired of seeing those I care about in pain, and tired of people worrying about me. I think I am tired of that most of all. I wish I could just be forgotten, left to drown alone . Left to fade slowly into a forgotten mist.

23 January 2007

I can not think of a very good reason why I am even starting this blog. Perhaps it is because I have lost all creativity that once resided in this mind, that now just seems to sit silent and rot. So many things have gone astray, and I no longer have any clue on how to retrieve them, at times I find myself wondering if i even care to anymore. Perhaps it would be best , to just live while I can in a field of total darkness. I guess time will tell. And perhaps this will be the place that my life unfolds, until it finally comes to a screeching halt and ceases to exist anymore.