Just Another Junkie Dead

Rode that horse of deadly dreams

for far to many years it seems

Lying here and stealin' there

recking lives without a care

Nothing else mattered when that hunger struck

never thought things through or gave a fuck

Abandoned, thrown out, compleatly disowned

pissed off, hurt and all alone

Robbed my family and cheated friends

yet never tried to make amends

All that mattered was the needles sting

as I lost my will for finer things

Till I went to far, straight over the ledge

while dancing with death on a razors edge

Fell right off into that great unknown

now dead and cold i lie alone

No  sadness spoke or a single tear shed

everyone will come to my funeral ...

to make sure I stay dead

wow blogger, forgot I even had this page. looking back through these old posts only reminded me of one thing....life never changes, it remains a constant...a constant heartache, a constant drain, and a constant pain in my ass.

01 September 2010

Well what a day today was 90 degrees out and even hotter in here. Almost killed a guy today, my temper seems to be snapping off with no notice latley. Anger is setting in again , i feel it churning and boiling inside wanting to be released, better keep a lid on it. The hush that settled over my being for a time, seem to have gone, and the eternal screams have started up once more...working to drive away what if any sanity there is left in this mind. At times I just feel I should let it all have me, just give in and let it use me as it will...see what becomes of it all. i am just so damned tired latley, physicaly, mentaly just entirley.

29 August 2010

My my it has been a long fucking time hasn't it? I made it trough all the medical shit and am still here, what a fucking surprise. Lungs are no better still about a 60-65% loss, but hey, so far they are still bringing in the air. And as I am posting to this blog, a vice of a headache has me within its grip.. the addiction has gone nowhere either. well...such is life

15 January 2008

Is it so wrong to hate the things that brought joy in the past, because the mere thought of them, only brings on such a deep sinking feeling of despair, that you fear at times , that you can not go on ? Wishing just to erase all memory, all feeling from your being, and just go through life as a numb shell? Life I say...I should have said existance. For life has a way of being little more than a fleeting thought, drowning in a sea of torment. A flash that quickly spirals out of control, and comes crashing to the floor, shattering like an ole windowpane in a worn-out condemed building, doomed for the wrecking ball. Time , ticking off the final moments of mortality, slowly winding down, dying out, then becoming silent. Like the screams in ones mind.... skull splitting, yet unable to be given true voice.

14 January 2008

Almost forgot I had this page, not surprizing though , I seem to forget much these days. Forget how to be a human being even more often than that. Seems I wont have to be worrying about any of that for too much longer though, life has a way of catching up to a person, and taking a bite of of them for the things they have done. Ive had more than my share of second chances, but seems now, that my chances have run out this time. How do you clean up such a mess in 6 months to a year ? I fear it is impossible. Much will be left hanging, as it was so often in life also. Strange feeling it is though, very strange indeed. I would like to think that I had accomplished something good, hell , id even settle for fair, in this lifetime...but it seems what little I have, I always ended up destroying in the end. I guess they were right, all of them, my head is fuckedd

27 April, 2007

Ah, here I am again. It has been awhile, yes, This i know. Things seem to be on a downward spiral once again, and I fight to keep it all somewhat level. Fight to keep the insanity from overwhelming my mind, and dragging me down with it. Fighting the headaches, and the never ending feeling of emptiness.