Is it so wrong to hate the things that brought joy in the past, because the mere thought of them, only brings on such a deep sinking feeling of despair, that you fear at times , that you can not go on ? Wishing just to erase all memory, all feeling from your being, and just go through life as a numb shell? Life I say...I should have said existance. For life has a way of being little more than a fleeting thought, drowning in a sea of torment. A flash that quickly spirals out of control, and comes crashing to the floor, shattering like an ole windowpane in a worn-out condemed building, doomed for the wrecking ball. Time , ticking off the final moments of mortality, slowly winding down, dying out, then becoming silent. Like the screams in ones mind.... skull splitting, yet unable to be given true voice.
15 January 2008
14 January 2008
14 January 2008
Almost forgot I had this page, not surprizing though , I seem to forget much these days. Forget how to be a human being even more often than that. Seems I wont have to be worrying about any of that for too much longer though, life has a way of catching up to a person, and taking a bite of of them for the things they have done. Ive had more than my share of second chances, but seems now, that my chances have run out this time. How do you clean up such a mess in 6 months to a year ? I fear it is impossible. Much will be left hanging, as it was so often in life also. Strange feeling it is though, very strange indeed. I would like to think that I had accomplished something good, hell , id even settle for fair, in this lifetime...but it seems what little I have, I always ended up destroying in the end. I guess they were right, all of them, my head is fuckedd
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